The journey with my fertility specialist has been a long, complicated process that Dusty and I have entered into with faith and hope. We are currently on the brink of something very exciting but getting to where we are today is roughly two years in the making.
The first day I met Dr. Homm is now a distant memory. I had gone in with the hope, courage and confidence given to me by Dr.Williams. To my disappointment, however, Dr. Homm was very cautious with me. He said the gestation carrier was possibility but retrieving my eggs was not going to be an easy feat. At the time, he'd never worked with someone as high risk as myself, on blood thinners, who'd survived two episodes of pulmonary embolism and ITP. He explained other options for us, like using donor eggs. Ultimately, I left with a list of things to do: test my eggs, test my husband's sperm and see a thyroid specialist for my newly discovered thyroid disorder. Dr. Homm was particularly interested in my eggs. He thought that the chemotherapy I'd endured could have destroyed any hope we'd had in retrieving.
Along with all of the other information I received that day, I left extremely overwhelmed. I went home and discussed everything he'd told me with my husband and I honestly felt that it was just too much. We started to really look into adoption. We watched documentaries and scoured the internet. We talked to family members and friends who'd adopted and one thing stood out: it wasn't an easy or inexpensive process.
At the time, we weren't ready to start the process of either a gestational carrier or adoption. Medical bills were coming in from my ITP episode. We owed thousands. And as we researched adoption, we knew we needed to come up with ten of thousands. As a result, our fertility journey was put on the back burner.
About a year later, after our debts were paid, we were vacationing with friends and the topic of children came up. I explained our options, the financial cost and mine and Dusty's conundrum. We so badly wanted children but the adoption process was so complicated and overwhelming. It took some people 3 years to get a child, with heartache, high costs and, in a lot of cases, heartache from failed adoption attempts. It was so simple in theory: we wanted a child and had love to give; there were children who needed homes. But the process was so complicated! I explained the option of retrieving eggs and using a gestational carrier which Dusty was indifferent to at the time. My friend announced she would gladly carry a child for us and that moment awoke a tiny spark of hope.
I talked with Dusty about the idea when we returned from vacation. I explained that the cost was similar to adoption but that we had a chance at having our own baby, something of which we'd always dreamed. And to my surprise, he was intrigued.
One thing I know for sure is that I've been blessed with amazing friends. My friends are my salvation from all of the hardships I've experienced in life. My friends were there when I lay in the hospital and have been changed just like I at the truth that life is fleeting. Sometimes you have to lose something, or almost lose something to truly appreciate it. We all learned that lesson from my illness. I have a newfound appreciation for my life and everything in it. And I am so grateful for all the wonderful friendships I've forged over the years.
The friend I was vacationing with wasn't the first friend to volunteer to carry our child. One of my very close friends, who I've known for over 20 years had mentioned it the prior year, right after I left the hospital. At the time I wasn't ready for the journey but I knew that it was time to revisit the option.
I asked my friend while we were away on a girls weekend in Nashville, Tennesee. Most importantly, I asked her if her husband supported her. To my surprise and elation, she'd already talked to her husband and mother about carrying our child. She had full support. You see, this friend of ours is very special. She has three beautiful children of her own and felt that carrying my child would be a joy and a blessing. Her husband grew up with my husband and her parents are close friends of my in-laws. They all share mine and Dusty's hope of having a family. These types of blessing don't come along everyday. For the first time since that start of our journey, my heart was full of hope.
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